


Illusions of Control

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-19
Updated: 2011-08-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 22:31:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12419616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Severus Snape is a calculating man; his only fault as a Death Eater is his love for a woman whom his "colleagues" regard as someone filthy and undeserving of magic..His love for her could be their downfall; the question remains, will it be enough?Even Lord Voldemort keeps secrets to stay in control.





	1. Overhearing the Prophecy

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
Author's notes: 1  


* * *

**1980**

Severus held Dumbledore’s letter in his right hand, scanning over it again. 

_Yes, it is to one’s advantage to have a lucrative career. Certain jobs don’t afford the luxury of what most wizards would consider a normal lifestyle, I understand. Hogwarts is not just about the pay, though, Severus, and I hope you understand that. You will have to deal with many types of young witches and wizards._

He skimmed over the next few lines, muttering to himself as he walked up the stairs.

_I can meet with you at the Hog’s Head in Hogsmeade next week, preferably next Tuesday evening, if this is convenient for you. If not, please send me an owl back with a better time. Send an owl back anyway, just to confirm a suitable time._

___Sincerely,_

___Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

Why he had signed his whole name, Severus didn’t know, but that wasn’t part of his business. His business was, well, something he kept tucked inside a minuscule corner of his mind. The Dark Lord had warned him of Dumbledore’s skill at Leglimency and Occlumency…

He planned to go to bed soon after he washed up and read by the window of his rented room. If it had been a better time, he might have taken a stroll around the Hogwarts grounds, but it was known, his allegiance… and there were too many horrible memories at that school. He knew he would only see Lily everywhere, hear her laughter, inwardly cringe when he remembered the night she had shut him off forever.

Severus scoffed, shutting her off as well for the time being. He started to clear his mind when he walked by a door and heard a familiar voice…

“Thank you for coming by, Sibyll, but—” Dumbledore’s voice was cut off by an unearthly, gruff feminine voice; Severus froze for a moment, backing up as he heard it…

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…”

A rough hand grabbed and pulled at the hood of his robes; Severus whipped his head around and found himself staring at Dumbledore’s brother who looked so much like him, Aberforth.

“You — heard — NOTHING!” Severus blinked, steeling himself under the younger Dumbledore’s heavy heated gaze. He nodded, reaching up to grab Aberforth’s arm. Aberforth ignored him, though; seething, he half-dragged Severus to the front of the pub, banging the door open and throwing him out onto the cobbled stone street.

“My things, though—” Severus reached an arm out, as if he could bring them to him without his wand. Aberforth, his arms crossed, looked down at him before he stepped aside, allowing Severus a moment to point his wand out and accio everything to his side.

The door slammed shut afterward, leaving him to adjust to the darkness.

Severus huffed, picking himself and his shrunken trunk off the ground. He stuffed it into one of the pockets of his robes, casting his eyes upward to look at the moon shining down through thin clouds.

He had nowhere to go for the evening, and it was more than doubtful that Dumbledore wouldn’t even speak to him now. It was far-fetched in the first place, but this was what the Dark Lord had wanted him to do. Severus knew it was futile to ask the Dark Lord why, but had he known something like this would come out of it? He raked a hand through his hair and made his way down the street, his eyes flicking back and forth in the vague hope that he’d find another place to stay, anywhere.

Fortune just wasn’t on his side, though. Severus sat down against an alley wall, bringing his legs up to his chest; he had to give this information to the Dark Lord, didn’t he? If he didn’t, he would be murdered anyway. He couldn’t keep something of this much importance tucked away in his mind from his master.

But it meant a child, a mere baby, would be killed.

_What do you care, though, Snape,_ a little whisper said, _You’ve aided them in murdering countless other dissenters. What is one more, one more to end it all?_

Severus violently grabbed his head in his hands, his wand clenched in one. He couldn’t get out anymore, he was too far in.

With a curse directed at himself, _foolish bastard_ , Severus stood and disapparated to his parent’s home, empty of their presence for several months now. The musky scent never vanished, though, no matter how hard he tried to rid himself of it.

After fixing himself something small to eat, Severus sat on the torn sofa, fabric frayed in several places. He lit a fire with a swish of his wand, mulling over what he had heard. Thrice defied the Dark Lord… the couple must be held in high esteem within The Order, that he was sure about. And the woman must be with child already, as July was quickly approaching… 

He forced himself to shut off his mind then… If he thought about it too much, Severus was certain he would figure out exactly who the prophecy spoke of.

He wouldn’t allow that to happen. 

He couldn’t back out now.


	2. Losing Sight

**1976 - _He'd been telling himself to just get over her for years..._**

The Daily Prophet landed in front of his breakfast plate, and an owl cocked its head at him for payment. Severus grunted and paid the thing as his attention focused in on the headlines.

“Another attack on some Muggles…” he murmured, just loud enough for his housemates sitting near him to hear. Mulciber turned away from his conversation with Avery to pull the paper towards him.

Severus raised an eyebrow in question, _one of our doing?_ Mulciber met his gaze and nodded, hardly containing a smirk. He then gave the paper to Avery, who skimmed it and then threw it at Wilkes, snapping about ‘how things were done.’ Wilkes was involved in their group, and Severus felt more of a kinship with him than Avery or Mulciber—he was a man of learning, almost more of a Ravenclaw than a Slytherin.Avery and Mulciber always outshone him in their antics, and outsiders knew that made him the butt of jokes, but to them it also meant he was a valuable asset.

Wilkes directed his attention towards Severus, “Defense Against the Dark Arts today, right, Snape?” His tone was languid, as usual, like he didn’t have a care in the world. Severus smirked.

“Professor Wright and his utterly _fascinating_ speeches, yes.”

“Such a bloody idiot,” Avery broke in, leaning over in his seat to join the conversation. “He’s playing into our hands; he’ll be gone before the end of the decade.”

“Watch yourself, Avery,” Severus hissed, raising an eyebrow and gesturing with his eyes towards the faculty table. Dumbledore was onto them, probably onto all of Slytherin House. Not that every single Slytherin planned to join the ranks of the Death Eaters once they came of age… Narcissa Malfoy, for one; though she was gone, her memory remained with many (mostly female) Slytherins. Most aspired to be like her, though from letters he received from Lucius, Severus knew that none could measure up.

On the way to class Wilkes fell into step beside Severus, nudging him on the shoulder, “How’re you doing on the new hex, Severus?”

“Ah…” Severus tucked a hand into his pocket and brought out his notes, lowering his voice, “I’m almost done with it, Calco Tergum. It should make the target feel as if thousands of feet are beating on their back, making them fall over in, well, immense pain.” He shrugged, putting the notes back inside his pocket and patting them down with a sure hand.

Class was a bore; Severus spent most of his time modifying his new hex while taking cursory breaks to look as if he was paying attention. At least enough to pass his exams. His former goal of being an ideal student had gone to waste several months ago, around the time he and… Severus let himself look at the back of Lily’s head for a moment. He found himself clenching his teeth slightly, wondering how long it was going to take for him to just get over her, like she had obviously forgotten him already.

Professor Wright’s voice droned over his thoughts, and Severus slipped back into his indifference, listening for a few seconds, jotting down some notes with his quill. _Nonverbal spells and patronuses—Expecto Patronum—total concentration and determination for casting nonverbal…_

“Sir,” Severus looked up; James Potter’s hand was waving in the air, “Sir, when are we going to practice casting the patronus charm?”

Wright lowered his rectangular glasses, looking over them at Potter, “It would do you well to learn that you cannot just blurt out whatever is on your mind at any time, Mr. Potter,”—Severus relished the slight embarrassment on Potter’s face—“But to answer your question, we will start the practical portion two weeks before Christmas break.”

James returned to whatever he was doing with Black by his side, and Severus shared a knowing look with Wilkes, the corner of his lip fighting with his will to not smirk at Potter’s idiotic brashness.

When classes ended for the day and they sat back in the Slytherin common room after dinner, though, Severus leaned back in his seat, arms crossed behind his head as he lambasted Potter.

“Reckon he’ll be one of our easier targets,” Mulciber commented while he pulled out a self-lighting cigarette from his pack. The instant his lips wrapped around it, a flame lit at the end. Severus watched him take a drag off it, resting his chin on one of his hands. 

“Don’t be so sure about that, Mulciber,” he said, “As long as he has Black and Lupin with him—“

“Well, we can easily separate them.” Severus glanced over at the quiet but sure voice coming from a handsome black-haired boy sitting in between them all, his book laid down beside him, his fingers intertwined.

“Sergio…” Severus said, “Care to illuminate us with your thoughts, finally?”

“Why, yes, Severus,” Sergio steepled his hands in front of his mouth, his elbows resting on his thighs as he stared into the blue-green fire that cast the common room in a cool glow. Not knowing why, Severus felt himself somewhat flinch whenever he met Sergio Black’s dull, almost lifeless grey-green eyes. He sometimes wondered if it was because they were the exact opposite of Lily’s.

“Do a few simple nonverbal curses to tie up or bind Lupin and Black as we take what Potter loves most—Lily Evans, the _mudblood_.” Severus instinctively started to curl his fingers into a fist, but stopped himself in time. Instead, he brought them up to casually scratch his nose. “He would leave his friends for her. I’m sure of that.”

“What about Pettigrew, though?” Mulciber asked, but Sergio only chuckled.

“That idiot? He’ll be the easiest of them all…”

“Scared of ‘is own shadow, he is.” Severus looked up to see Evan Rosier coming over to them. He leaned over and rested his elbows on two seats, “Pretty sure if I did this”—he pulled his hood up as far as it would go, casting a shadow over most of his face as he sneered—“he’d wet ‘is pants.”

Rosier was a year below the rest of them, but he was still held in high respect for his dueling capabilities, of which he’d shown during a DADA practical for the first time back in their fifth year, his fourth. He’d told them about it, wanting to gain some sort of respect, and Severus had talked them into giving the kid a chance. And he had been right—Rosier, as his father, was one of the best duelists on their side.

“Snape!”

Severus pulled himself away from his thoughts, eyeing Avery, “Yes?”

“You’re the best at it, so—“

“Yes, yes, I’ll be back soon,” Severus raised his hands in defeat; once he’d started getting late night snacks for the group, he was named their unofficial food fetcher. In a way, he was glad to get away from the dungeon common room every now and then. Gave him time to think.

He almost had no use for an invisibility cloak, at least while going through the dungeons. Small dark crevices hid him easily whenever a prefect went by, not that many came down for a long period of time. His robes and hair blended in with the stone walls, too. As far as he could remember, he’d only had one close call before reaching the end of the dungeons.

Footsteps were the hardest to conceal because of the bloody floor and the utter silence. If he could only apparate inside the castle, he’d be fine… well, once he got his license. During these times, though, it would never be possible. Dumbledore's defences included no apparation in or out of Hogwarts.

Severus backed his body up against the wall that led out into the Great Hall. Craning his head around, he stuck the end of his wand out and whispered, “Homenum revelio.” He let himself look further, spotting a marker over Professor McGonagall as she walked up the Grand Staircase; she paused, and Severus ran his stubby nails down his face in realization. He’d forgotten that targets _felt_ the spell.

He waited, straining his ears to see if she was coming back down the stairs. Several seconds passed until Severus could breath easily again; the sound of her steps was becoming fainter. He allowed himself a soft sigh before he looked around again, seeing no markers this time.

The rest of the trip to the painting that opened up into the kitchens was uneventful until he reached the last turn in his path. As with the other bends, Severus backed his body up against the wall, taking a look around the corner with one eye.

“… Shit,” he muttered. Lily Evans, of all the people he _didn’t_ want to see, leaned against the wall opposite the painting, presumably waiting on someone to come out from the kitchens. She held her wand in her hand, her face screwed up in concentration—Severus wanted to laugh; it was… undeniably cute. But since he’d stupidly called her that _word_ , they hadn’t spoken like they used to, and barely at all anymore.

He could still enjoy her from a distance, though, couldn’t he? Like any other boy. Severus bit his lip, touching his hair lightly as he looked at her, the dark red hair, those bright and beautiful green eyes, and the smile dancing over her lips as someone came out of the portrait…

James Potter, _again?_

Severus just kept himself from lashing his anger out at the wall. Silently seething, he watched James come out with a basket full of sweets.

“Did you get _anything_ remotely healthy?” Lily asked with a sigh, rolling her eyes. Severus would have enjoyed the comment if not for that teasing smile she gave him, the smile she used to give _him_ instead. Everything had been turned around. Severus hugged himself, fingers grasping at his robes, his brow knitted in anguish until he heard their steps growing closer.

Where was he supposed to hide? He didn’t fancy a run-in with either of them, least of all together. He glanced around the hall until he spotted an almost unnoticeable door; it blended in near perfectly with the wall itself. He rushed to it, quietly opening it and sliding inside. It was a tiny broom cupboard, even for his skinny frame.

“Come on, you health nut; a few sweets really aren’t going to hurt you, y’know,” Potter said.

Lily giggled; another tear at Severus’s heart, “You nit, I know that. Now come on, you have the cloak, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah. Hold the food, will you?”

Severus heard them exchange the basket, and then he heard a cloak swishing in the air. What was “the cloak,” though? He was curious, but he wasn’t a Ravenclaw who couldn’t contain that curiosity. Their footsteps became quieter when they put the cloak on, though; there was no mistaking it. He waited for several more seconds, and then cracked the door open enough to look down the hall.

Neither of them was there. And Severus couldn’t just forget what they looked like, Potter with his unruly hair and a hand almost constantly ruffling it, Lily with her effortlessly perfect dark red hair, and… he couldn’t forget them. Even if he _wanted_ to forget Potter.

He still heard them, though, even if their voices were becoming fainter. Severus stepped out of the broom cupboard, wiping dust off the bottom of his robes when he heard Lily again.

“Let me… just… re-situate this thing, James…”

Severus glanced up towards the source of her voice, and his lips parted when he saw one of her eyes looking at him, nothing else. He stood all the way up and backed away—an invisibility cloak? Potter had one of them? Severus could hardly believe it—he stifled a curse and held his index finger in front of his lips, slipping around the corner and out of sight.

His heart pounded. Severus let out a breath he’d been holding since seeing Lily look at him again, without hatred but… surprise. It was a change, but he couldn’t hold onto it… that was over. That entire friendship and anything it could have turned into.

Get over it.

Get over her.

He still had to get the food, anyway. It was a quick trip, just placing the same orders as usual, waiting for the house elves to give him more than he asked for… the usual thing. Severus kept his mind away from Lily and her eyes, watching the elves prepare the food and bustle around him; at least none of _them_ gave him distrustful or hateful looks.

Ever since he’d learned the shrinking spell, getting back to the common room hadn’t been that hard of a task. Tonight, on the plus side, no one was patrolling the Great Hall or around the dungeons any more.

“Ah… great to see you back, Snape!” Mulciber almost attacked him when he came back through the entrance to the Slytherin common room. Severus grunted in response, knowing that Mulciber, big-boned as he was, was really only interested and happy at the sight of food. The fact that it was “stolen” made it even better in his eyes.

Wilkes asked him several minutes later if he was going to eat anything, and apparently he had to ask twice before Severus answered.

“What? … Oh, no, I’m not hungry, Anderson,” he said, his eyes boring into the fire in front of him. He almost started when one of the flames danced, and he swore he saw Lily’s eye staring at him in surprise again.

_Get over her, Snape. It’s for the best._


End file.
